I should be sleeping. Words I think, say, or write, at least 20 times in any given week. I don’t know what it is tonight that is keeping me awake, other than perhaps whatever it always is. The want to squeeze a bit more living out of a day. Even the days that feel a little off, or slightly empty.
But also, it’s a bit that the past has come calling again, the last few days. Unintentional strolls down memory’s lane. Social media ‘likes’ taking me back to look at the girl who still lived in the dark, and was seeking to find her way out. Words washed in so much pain. So much anger. Sad and surreal.
Beauty, as always, also part of the walk. Music as a time machine, bringing me to some of the the most beautiful moments of my life. Moments I don’t want to go back to, as backward isn’t the way I wish to travel ever again, but they are the step forward, or sideways, and then some, for whose return I ‘wait.’
There was also music that had me hover just outside my time of darkness, looking in through the eyes of another. It hurt me only in the knowing that they had hurt, for me. The planets say I am meant to revisit and re-evaluate, and as it turns out, they are right. So again I feel my way through it all to be certain that I am healed.
This day for me has been filled with thoughts about words. Words said, and unsaid, in so many ways. There are words I wish to say, words I wish I could unsay, (not said today, or yesterday, as the case may be) the words that I am writing, the words I am not writing, the one’s I will be writing. Words I think I’ve heard, and words I’ve definitely heard, that filled my heart. Words set to music, words set to (figurative) paper, words that clarify, and some that confuse. The last usually being the ones floating through my head, or trying to find their way out of my mouth, generally stuttered as an emotion is tripped over.
The important words, although they are all important, really, that need to be said have this need – because it’s time. Time to talk about the lightworker thing. This ancient (in a linear time frame, for purposes of writing) agreement made, to separate from myself in part, in order to experience myself, and everything that needed to be experienced, for good, and for (in some moments really fucking) bad, across time and space, in macro and micro ways, to end up here, where the awakening occurred and continues. Because today I was asked to heal (myself) and my lineage backward and forward, another layer of me has been stripped away, for the good, and compells me to speak.
The journey we have agreed to, for those of us on the path, simultaneously defies and needs no explanation. It is a knowing for those of us who have answered the call, and will be for the ones whose time to know, is soon to come. I speak for others as much as I do myself, when I say; we get that to those not ready to hear, we possibly (for sure) sound crazy. We also get that it can’t matter anymore.We have work to do. We ACHE to do our work. We are preoccupied with thoughts of how to get to where we’re meant to be and how we can (re)attain all we need to fulfill our part of the agreement.
We have days and weeks when we almost obsess, so strong is the pull. We have days where we want the FUCK off this ride, because it seems like it can’t possibly be real, or true, or sane. We immerse ourselves in distractions, until universe (ourselves) kicks us in the ass, so we get back on course. We seek resources in all forms; from people who answered the call before we did, to written wisdom, ancient and modern, and divine direction, for whatever that means to each of us. We pull cards, consult crystals, and mystics. We journey to other dimensions to find the others, and into the void, to find ourselves. We embrace our shadows so that we may heal and grow, to in turn assist the collective in healing and growth.
We don’t look for signs and synchronicities, but we notice that we can’t not notice them. We download, and upgrade, integrate and transmute. We cry the unshed tears for the ages. In dreamspace we wage wars, travel the world(s) and find our hearts. We LOVE with a depth and a breadth and a purity that is at times incomprehensible, even to ourselves. But it is love as love is meant to be. Love as it was agreed upon. We often have no fucking idea what we are doing, but we know that to let love rule, is what will heal, everything. And that no aspect of anything that is of light, and love, can ever be wrong.
We choose the highest timelines, and outcomes that are for the greatest good. We learn to let go of 3rd Dimensional ideas and ideals. (Over, and over, and over again, we learn this one.) We (with love) say goodbye to people, places and things, grateful for the experiences, without holding on, which holds us (which is never about just one but always about oneness) back.
We are alternately filled with boundless energy; unable to sleep, or exhausted on a soul level. We have physical pain as our bodies change, or as we are clearing energy, or sometimes finding out that we should be. We hear things, see things, smell things, feel things (physically and otherwise), sense things, know things, that ‘conventional wisdom’ says we should not. We are scared out of our minds, until we become unfalteringly courageous, then scared for a bit, then fearless again, etc.
Starseeds – (Andromedan, Pleiadian, Arcturian, Feline, Avian, Reptilian) Blue/Yellow/Green, etc Rays. Indigo, Crystal and Rainbow Children. Twin Flames. Lightworker. Healer. Blah blah blah, etc. Labels which mean everything and nothing, but can be used to explain, who, what, why. We don’t believe we are chosen ones, but rather are the ones who made a choice to come forward in the time (which is now) needed, to walk through veil(s) which are no more than manmade artifice. We have returned to the place we never really left, which is (re)union; a return to oneness, and to teach oneness. Religious, Agnostic, Pagan, Witch …. whatever. We are all in this together.
For each of us, our purpose is as unique as our path. When we find the others who understand, we breathe a sigh of relief to know that we’re not crazy. (Or maybe it’s mass hysteria?) We step forward at diffirent times, to learn, support, then pass the torch of knowledge. Unity consciousness is our end-game, which is neither a game nor a something with a start and end.We are meant to, we are, raising the vibration, to heal the human race, to heal the planet. To return to who and where we have always been.
Although we are not so old, we, and this, are most assuredly ‘ancient.’ I surrendered to it before I knew what any of it was, for reasons that I couldn’t understand, because I knew (know) it is what is meant to happen. Just as apparently, today was my turn to speak.
So in case you need to hear it; you’re not crazy, or wrong. Nothing you’re thinking, feeling, or doing, is wrong, as it is all of love. Quantum entanglement is a thing. Everything that has happened, that will happen, has been agreed upon by all. As crazy as that seems….